How would you respond to this wedding drama?

We decided not to do corsages for our wedding. I just think they are an old fashioned tradition and kind of 'fuddy-duddy'. For some reason his brother does not agree at all. My mom asked if we could do without, and his grandmother is glad she doesn't have to wear one. This is what his brother had to say:





"About the flowers..... I didn't mention that to Eric in yesterday's conversation. I asked him about that about a month ago. I asked him why you guys weren't doing them.... Again, not giving my mom, grandmother flowers is disrespectful. This is where Eric came from and not including them in the ceremony is disrespectful. They need to be honored as part of the two families joining together."





How would you respond to that? Or maybe you even think he's right?

How would you respond to this wedding drama?
Geez. Talk about butting your face in where it doesn't belong.





I think he needs to mind his own business. It would only be disrespectful if you were giving them to your side of the family but not his. Perhaps his mother has her panties in a bunch, and if that is the case, you and your FI need to talk to her.





In the meantime, tell him you are sorry he feels that way, but it is your wedding and you will do as you see fit (diplomatically, of course). Perhaps he doesn't know no one is getting corsages. Explain that you have opted out of corsages but this does not mean the women of the family will not be honored. After all, they will be escorted down the aisle at great fanfare.





Alternatively, you could give each mother a single stemmed flower. Our mothers had corsages, but on my way down the aisle, I stopped, hugged his mom and gave her a tulip with a ribbon around it, then did the same with my mom.





Good luck.
Reply:Since your mom and grandmother are GLAD to not have to wear one, then ignore your brother since its THEIR opinion that would count, not his.
Reply:Ah, traditions traditions....I HATE them! It's your wedding. It's about you and your fiance and NOBODY else. Everyone attending is there because you invited them. Flowers don't show respect, they represent money spent on something that will die in a matter of hours. Did these people pay for the entire wedding? If so acknowlege in a speech from your heart. Your gratitude and hearfelt thanks will last a lifetime and flowers will be forgotten. The day isn't about you honoring family, its about family and friends honoring you!
Reply:Tell him that you dont mean any disrespect but just dont think the corsages are something you want to do. Let him know that you respect his mother and grandmother and dont think that a flower pinned on a dress is a necessary to show respect. Let him know that your mom and grandmother will not have them either. Put your foot down and hold tight. It is your wedding and your choice.
Reply:Hm. If NONE of the moms or grandmothers have them (and none of the fathers and grandfathers have boutineers), then it isn't disrespectful.





However, please remember that a lot of people are going to lie to you about what they think of your wedding plans. People who are close to you are most likely going to say "Yes, that's just fine with me" when they're really thinking "Oh no, that's a horrible idea." Check around a bit more to make sure that the parents and grandparents are okay with this. The brother's comments lead me to think that he's being a spokesperson on this issue.
Reply:Go with tradition, they are lovely to have.
Reply:Your mom and grandma are GLAD not to wear one. You are not marrying his brother. You are marrying your fiance. This is your wedding, do what you want.
Reply:Maybe he is right and maybe he isn't, but the bottom line is... do you want to choose THIS as something to put your foot down on? They are just flowers! If the majority of the families would feel slighted, then just do it. It's not going to negatively affect your wedding, and it IS a gesture of recognition and respect. If just those TWO ladies don't want a coursage, find an alternative for them.. a wrist coursage, a flower in the hair... It distinguishes the immediate family members from the rest of the guests. Not everyone in attendance will know who is who.





Personally, I would go with the option that offends the least amount of people and try to avoid starting a war with any of my future in-laws.





Remember to choose your battles wisely. Is it wise to fight over flowers?
Reply:I think the point of corsages is so that the guests of the wedding know who is 'the in crowd' , that being close family and close friends of the family. The corsage or buttoniere shows that they are a member of the wedding party, and are an honored guest. But I have seen too many weddings where what the bride and groom want are completely run roughshod over because of 'tradition'. And at the end of it.. the wedding the bride and groom dreamed of is completely gone.





So if you dont want to do flowers at your wedding, then dont. It isnt his brother's wedding so it isnt his choice. But do find some way of letting everyone know who your honored guests and family members are. Certainly give them preferential seating, or hand a single long stem flower to them either upon arriving or during the ceremony. Just make sure to let them know they mean alot.





Good luck
Reply:I would respond by clarifying that the women in question are happy about your decision...If he's only concerned about disrespecting them, then he should be pacified by knowing that they don't feel disrespected.





Alternately, you could add something to the ceremony and/or reception to honor them, and let him know that you're doing so.





Other than that, the only answer for him is, "It's our wedding and we will plan it as we see fit."
Reply:Do what you have originally planned. If the brother wants corsages, tell him to buy them to be worn at the reception. Don't let anyone steal your joy on your special day.
Reply:Let your mom and grannie handle him and put HIM in his place. WTF???
Reply:Well, he's not right, and it's crazy that you even have to think about such things!





Tell your groom that he can be responsible for giving his family flowers since it means so much to them...just relinquish yourself from that responsibility and let your fiance do the work (it's giving in, yes, but it's almost worth it not to have MORE drama).





In addition, give your mom and grandmother something else special to wear like a nice bracelet or ring or evening bag...something BETTER ;)





Make it look like you have better things to worry about then their silly requests (you do, after all!) and instead focus on how you can make your family feel special. Adopt the whole "whatever! if it means SO MUCH to them, let them have their stupid flowers!" way of thinking and it'll be easier. My fiance's family is difficult and it's easy to focus on the negative...just let him do the work. ;)
Reply:Its none of his damn business...no offense but its your wedding and plus the people that do have to wear them or happy they dont have to..maybe he should wear one if hes so unhappy...maybe instead you should light a candle as part of the ceremony depending on what religion you are to show that the two families are united
Reply:Talk to his mother and grandmother. See what they have to say about it. It's not even about bro. Get him out of the loop.
Reply:mmm.. ok dont back down on your ideas of not liking corsages. however, it is inappropriate to not recognize them some how. perhaps present them with a single rose in the color of your choice or something but they should have something...
Reply:If you don't want to do the corsages, don't. You could do what my nephew and his wife did. Just before the recessional, my nephew gave a rose to his new MIL and GMIL's and his wife did the same for our side of the family. Just a single flower to each lady, and a kiss on the cheek. They had the flowers tucked away at the front of the church. I've also seen it with the flowers as part of the bride's bouquet if it would work.
Reply:No they do not need to be honored. This is your wedding and you plan it how ever you would like. But if you have a candle light where the two moms come up and light a candle that would be great.
Reply:I'm not sure why your brother in law (to be) is speaking on behalf of his grandmother once she has said that she doesn't want to wear a corsage. I also don't understand how not wearing a corsage is disrespectful and how is this excluding them from the ceremony?





Also, what does he mean "this is where Eric came from"? Do they give corsages to their mom/aunt/grandmother for major holidays (like Christmas, Mother's Day, birthdays, etc.)? If for some strange reason corsages are traditionally a big thing for their family, then maybe you should include them.





Personally, I think that your brother in law has an issue beyond the corsages. Eric should talk to him one on one and find out if there is something bothering him and ask him to drop the whole thing.





Also, what does your mother in law have to say about this? If she also does not care about the corsages, then I would definitely let it drop.





All in all, this is your wedding and you should do what you want. Not everyone is going to agree with all of the choices you make for your wedding, but that is just too darn bad for them!
Reply:Elope! If people are this upset about flowers there is alot more trouble %26amp; drama to come!
Reply:The main thing that I think you should pay attention to about what he said was "this is where Eric comes from". If that is the tradition, and is something that is important in the culture he's from, then that is a good enough reason to do it. Personally, my mother-in-law and my mom would have been perfectly fine without the corsages, but my grandmothers and my stepmom would have read something negative into not being given a corsage. It is a traditional way to honor the women who raised you and your husband to be who you are today.





If I were you, I would find an acceptable way to visibly honor those women. It doesn't have to be a corsage. If you don't like that idea, consider having them each have a long-stem rose to match the wedding theme.





In the Victorian age, flowers were a way of sending a message. The red rose, of course, was for passion and romantic love, but all flowers had a meaning. You may want to use one of these to honor the women who have come before you:





Apple Blossom - promise


Baby's breath - festivity


Black Eyed Susan - encouragement


Camellia - graciousness


Pink carnation - gratitude


Gardenia - joy


Geranium - comfort


Ginger - proud


Gladiolus - strength of character


Holly - domestic happiness


Hydrangea - perseverance


Iris - inspiration


Ivy - fidelity


Jasmine - grace and elegance


Larkspur - beautiful spirit


Casablanca lily - celebration


Lisianthus - calming


Magnolia - dignity (also a symbol of delicate strength


Pansy - loving thoughts


Poppy - consolation


Pink tulip - caring


Violet - faithfulness


Wisteria - steadfast





Basically, I think that if this is not a matter you feel really strongly about, then it would really be best to avoid offending your future in-laws. If you intend to actually stay married for the rest of your life to this guy, then you will have to understand the importance of compromise. These are not people or issues that will go away after the "hard part" (the wedding) is over. These are people you will have to work out deals with to spend holidays with your family and his, who you will have to work out compromises about whether your children are allowed to say up past their bedtime or eat Cookie Crunch cereal for breakfast while they're at Grandma's. Getting some good points when it doesn't bother you now can help them respect you later.





All these little girls on here who are planning a wedding instead of a marriage, thinking that it's all about them and what they want, and anyone else who is effected by it can go to hell, have yet to actually be in a successful marriage. And if deciding to have corsages to keep from offending someone "steals your joy on your special day", I'd worry about what you were actually joyful about.
Reply:I think you shouldn't back down on your wishes because of something your fiance's brother said - that sets a dangerous precedent. However, honoring your respective families is always a good idea. You can put something special in the program, or ask them to stand up at some point, and applaud them.
Reply:It is your wedding do it how you want...your brother is being a brotherzilla.
Reply:tell them they are fine with no corsage.... LOL how funny for him to get offended.
Reply:I think you can view this as an opportunity to show your fiance's family how important they are to you. Yes it might be a control issue, and it could be a sign of struggles to come in the future, but symbolism is very important to some people. The corsages symbolize 'honor' and so you should try to come up with another way to show that. Perhaps small, hand held bouquet's would be an option? Or wrist corsages? No having to fiddle with pins, they simply wear them like a bracelet? OR, after you walk up the isle, before you are 'given away' for the ceremony, you could add in a mini-ceremony and make a point of gifting the grandmothers and mothers with their bouquet's or some sort of gift? How more special can you possibly get than doing it in front of a captive audience? Some others may think it's bowing to the brother, but perhaps being nice and showing honor and respect will pay off bigtime down the line???? Besides, won't you feel better knowing you've done something meaningful?
Reply:I think he's right that you should honor the parents and the grandparents in some way.





I don't think he's right in thinking that a corsage is the only way to do that. There are so many other ways it can be doene.
Reply:How you decide to do your wedding is your business and your husband's. Flowers or not, it's all a part of the decorative aspect and has no bearing on whether or not you are disrespecting family members. What a nut.
Reply:This is your wedding. You do what you want. Who cares what his brother thinks.
Reply:Before you get married into this family, put your foot down on his brother. It is your wedding and things that were "tradition" 100 years ago are not necessarily tradition now. Explain to your brother-in-law that grandma agreed to it too. Regardless of what anyone thinks, it's your wedding and you should do what you want. Did you know that the reason bride's wore veils is bcuz arranged marriages. Groom's weren't allowed to see their Bride until after the "banns" (ceremony) and so it became custom to hide the Bride behind a veil in case he didn't like what he saw. Sooooo, the idea of a veil was silly to me since my hubby and I lived together. If you need to, use this little story to shut him up. Good Luck girl.
Reply:I have to agree with everyone when they say it's your wedding and do what you want. If the ladies not' feel disrespected then, go for it. You might want to run it through the ladies on his side of the family. Let them know that it was both of you who made that decision if it is that was and you don't want to use corsages. You' d rather honor them some other way at the ceremony or reception. I have an Idea. Why don't you have a special table made for those special people at the reception and have them close to the bride and groom table. That way people will notice that they are important.


At my wedding My husband's and my parents were honored by giving us our wedding rings. My mom and dad had his ring and his mom and oldeest brother had my ring (his dad passed away). This was to symblo the unity between our 2 families. At the end of the ceremony we stopped to hug out parents in appreciation his/ mine and I / his.


At the reception our parents were sitting at out table side by side. (It was a long table) Us in the middle of course. And everything went on smoothly.


Just remember, it's your wedding you will honor them as you wish. Not was your brother in law to be wants to impose.


Good Luck!
Reply:The whole idea of the corsages is to distinguish and honor special family members. Surely there's another way you can show these people that they are special.

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